Marriages are meant to be happy. Everyone knows that as a common truth. And honestly, the marriage that is truly happy and loving is the best thing that can happen to a person in their lifetime. On our wedding day, most of us are, probably so happy that we cannot even imagine that one day disagreements will disrupt our harmony. But sooner or later they do, this truth is inevitable. And we do not even call the fact sad, because – rule number one – remember, arguments between the spouses are O.k. Successful family life is not about the absence of fights, not about avoiding them. Your happily ever after is made of preventing them and knowing how to resolve conflict in a relationship if it has already happened.
Reasons That Can Provoke Conflicts In Marriage
It is probably the most difficult question. Why do we fight with our loved ones? After all, we chose them to spend our life together, to love and support as well as to be loved and supported. So, why fight?
The trick is; the reasons can vary dramatically. Seriously, you can never know for sure what wakes the demons up. It could be the differences in your background or expectations, different points of view about the finances, relationship with your relatives, different views on the parenting models. These are all quite serious issues. But just as successfully you can quarrel and stop talking for each other for days because of the bottle of milk one of you has left open on the table, or some other trivial habit.
The point is; all the mentioned questions are the surface you see. The real reason is always deeper. It can be some trigger or a negative feeling as indignation, for example. Like, “He has left the milk on the table and it spoiled, though I bought a new bottle just yesterday! He does not appreciate my domestic labor enough!” Here you go, the basis for an argument is at your service!
Why do we speak about that? It’s simple. The most effective way to the conflict resolution in the relationship is to work with this deep reason.
How To Prevent Conflict In Marriage
The best conflict is the one that didn’t happen at all. That is why it is important to minimize the chances of the conflict in marriage from the start of your journey together. For that there are several steps, you can take at the beginning of your family life, or even earlier. Though you can use them at any point.
- Speak a lot. Make it a habit to speak about different things – your values, beliefs, past experiences, positive and negative, in any field including.
- Be honest and open. It is difficult sometimes, but crucial for a happy marriage, that the partners know their significant one’s triggers, weaknesses, and harmful habits, not only good sides.
- Analyze the information and your partner’s features, habits, and daily behavior. Not to judge them but to decide what things are great, what are adjustable, and what are totally unacceptable.
- Discuss it with your partner. Now you should decide together on what things you both are ready to change in your behavior, what of them should be denied, and what simply could not be changed.
All these will let you minimize future misunderstandings.
Conflict Resolution In Relationships
But even if you reasonable and loving, the conflicts arise all the same. Conflict resolution in marriage demands the sides be as calm as possible, first of all. And there as well some strategies and rules.
There basic points in resolving conflicts process.
You have a mouth for that. If something goes wrong, if you feel hurt by the partner’s words or actions, do not be silent and do not make him or her guess what is the reason for the problem. It’s not the time for riddles and your partner cannot read your thoughts.
No one knows your partner’s sensitive spots better than you do. So, never ever hit them during the fight! Make it a taboo in your family. Never criticize the features and peculiarities your partner cannot change, like som disabilities, for example. Never hit the spots where you are sure hurts the most.
Try not to shout.
Shouting can do nothing to resolve “conflicts in marriages-problem.” The louder you shout, the longer the distance between you two, thus the harder you make it to hear you and to understand.
Mind what you say
Use carefully picked words and soft voices instead of shouting. Remember, that you are speaking to the person you love.
Take some time
If you cannot be gentle and calm, and the anger is boiling, take a timeout. Go for a walk alone, or just go for another room. It is okay to need some solitude. And, what is even more important, give your partner some space if he or she needs. I mean if they left with “I need time, we will talk about it later” do not go after them with the list of your offenses. Pressing does not work here.
If the issue is very serious, set aa time for a discussion. So you can both speak and listen to another one and find a solution.
Do not blame but explain instead. Conflict resolution in marriage is the most effective when the couple uses I-statements. With this strategy, our partners don’t feel like they are the only reason for the conflict. Simply speaking, instead of the phrase like “You make me feel as…” use “I don’t like it when you… because I feel like…” Though, there are people who think that a lot of I-statements sound selfish. So, adjust your tactics to your partner’s reaction.
Learn to listen to your partner and hear them. Without that, you cannot understand each other.
During the discussion be ready to rational mutual compromises. Marriage is all about compromises from both sides. It is not about the dichotomy “to be the right or to be happy”. It is not a choice if your partner acts wrong and hurts you, don’t accept it. But the compromises are important.
Be ready to say “I’m sorry” and to forgive. We are all humans and are not perfect. So give you both the right to make mistakes sometimes and learn together to admit them.
One of the most important things, even during the fight or after it, do not put touch-barriers between you to. Hug if you want, ask to be hugged if you need, permit the contact if your partner asks if they could embrace you. For many minor conflicts and even for serious ones, physical tenderness could be a soothing balm.
A word as a bottom Line
Fights with our loved ones always hurt. But it is important to remember even in rage, that the conflict does not make you enemies. Conflict is when two people disagree on some matter and your aim is to make a solution appropriate for your family. Not to gain or demonstrate who’s in power, but to make you both stronger and happier.