Use anger management tactics – stay in control!
You can hardly find someone who can deny that anger is one of the human most destructive emotions. It doesn’t let us build a healthy and productive relationship, when out of control it can easily ruin our career and life. That is why the art of anger reigning is one of the most important skills in our life. Especially for those whose job is closely connected to interactions with people, negotiating, and the sphere of services.
Anger management materials
Let us start our talk with some of the anger theory and researches just to make our anger management materials discussed in this article as objective as possible.
First of all, it is ok to be upset sometimes. Anger is a natural reaction of our body, our nerves, and our brain to a dangerous and/or unpleasant situation. Anger is exactly the pusher that let us react to such a situation and activates that Fight-or-flight response, which let our ancestors survive.
So we are not telling you that anger is useless and must be suppressed. All the point is; our reaction to the situation should be adequate and socially accepted. And that’s where the problems for many negotiators begin. Though some of them may think that angry show (genuine or fake) will work in their favor.
It is partly true even, as sometimes your counterpart, seeing your angry and upset will make concessions just to calm you down a bit. This tendency was proven in 2004 by professor Gerben A. van Kleef of the University of Amsterdam.
But, does this mean that you actually should use this “angry effect” in the negotiation process? No matter how tempting it feels, the answer is – NO! The negative impacts of fake anger could and probably would outnumber the gain you get.
False Displays of Anger Can Backfire
As the study of 2013 showed, the false anger negotiator demonstrates while dealmaking leads to distrust and gives no desired result. To prove it an experiment was set with two actors participated. One of them was genuine in his anger and the other was calm but displayed anger with his tone and facial expression. Watching them people said that they would rather make a deal with the first one. So people see when you try to fool them.
Anger Can Lead to a Backlash
The same study showed, as well, that while people tend to be less demanding when making a deal with a genuinely angry person, they feel mistreated in such negotiation. When they get a chance to find another business partner, they do it without doubts. So, you will get a small gain, but lose partners. Remember, dealing with the angry vargheists is good and beneficial if you play the Dragon Age. In real life no one likes it.
Moreover, In a 2016 study, researchers Jeremy A. Yip (Georgetown University) and Maurice E. Schweitzer (the Wharton School) found that anger also leads negotiators to behave more deceptively. Anger provokes unethical behavior that can hit your relationship with your close circle.
Anger management tactics to control genuine anger
As you can see anger and bargaining don’t make a good match. The question is, how to control the rising fury when you feel overwhelmed.
For some of us, it looks like an impossible task. The question is so serious that psychologists lead the special courses and classes of anger management. There are even a bunch of anger management institutes across the country.
In some cases, it is really necessary to address a therapist or a couch to get professional support. But before enrolling for a course you can try some tips that can work when anger is already boiling in your chest.
- Seriously, it helps a lot. Take a deep breath and count to 10 or 15 in your head. It will give you some time to think and evaluate what you are going to say.
- Express your anger, It is necessary because silence does no good. But speak only after you calm down.
- Give yourself a break. It’s O.K. if you feel stressed take a couple of minutes as a timeout.
- Identify the trigger for your anger and work on the possible solutions.
- Find a way to let the stress out. Try sports, or drawing, or meditation, anything will go as long as it helps you and makes no harm to others.
All these tips can work as a valve to release tension instantly. But if you want to manage your anger and solve the problem for a long time, you should be ready for tough work with your personality, your feelings, and emotions.
Some tactics will let you work with your anger productively.
- Find your triggers. You might have never thought about it but as a rule, our anger is provoked by the same things, situations, words, or actions. Analyze yourself! When you know what exactly drive you mad, you get a chance to change the provoking scenario.
- And a bit more of analysis. Sort out your warning signs. Most people do not get furious an in instant. There are always ringing alarm bells. Very physical ones like sweating, heavy breathing, teeth grinding, and others. Recognize yours to be able to step away and take a break in time.
- Explore your feelings. This is the hardest part of the job. As you remember, our anger aims at protecting us. So fury is only the surface level of our emotions. Think deeply, and answer honestly, what is hidden under your anger? In most cases, it is either fear or embarrassment or disappointment. Work with the root of the problem, not a protective layer.
- Manage your thoughts. It is not an easy task for a human. It is hard to make your mind not to think about the triggers and emotions as strong as anger actually is. But if you keep thinking about your fury, you only get more and more furious. Thus, managing your thoughts is the key to anger management.
These anger management tactics will help you to stay in control and be more successful in business and life.